RSVP deadline for the invitation
The RSVP deadline is the one date that decides whether the rest of the planning goes smoothly or turns into panic. It determines when you can order the food, when you can make the seating chart, and how many rounds of follow-ups you have time for. Here's how to set it, and what to do about those who still don't answer.
What RSVP means
RSVP stands for "répondez s'il vous plaît" — "please respond." It's a request to let the host know whether you're coming or not, not just if you're coming. Many read it as "let us know if you're coming," and that's exactly why you end up with a handful of unanswered invitations. Instead, spell out plainly what you want: "Please reply yes or no by April 1," so there's no doubt.
When the invitation should be sent
The longer the journey and the bigger the event, the earlier you should send it. For a wedding, it's common to send a save-the-date six months ahead and the actual invitation two to three months ahead. For a confirmation or an anniversary, six to eight weeks is usually enough. For a Christmas party or a company event where people already have a full December, early is always better than polished.
How long a deadline you should give
Three to four weeks from when the invitation goes out is enough for most people. Shorter, and people won't have time to check their calendar; longer, and they'll set it aside and forget it. What matters most isn't the length, but that the deadline falls well before the date you yourself have to give final numbers to the venue or the caterer — leave at least a week between the two, for follow-ups and stragglers.
Make it as easy as possible to answer
Every extra step costs you responses. Having to create an account, download something, or dig up an email address is enough to make people put it off. What works best is a personal link straight to the guest, where answering is one tap and everything else is optional. That way people respond while they're standing there with their phone in hand, instead of "later tonight."
Following up: once, kindly, with the link again
Most people who haven't answered haven't said no — they've forgotten. Send one short reminder a few days before the deadline, with the link included in the message, and keep the tone light. If you still haven't heard anything a week after the deadline, call. One phone call takes two minutes and gets you a firm number, which is worth more than three polite messages.
Expect some no-shows regardless
Some people say yes and don't show up, and a few never answer at all. There's no official Norwegian statistics on how large a share this is, and we won't guess a number here — but it's worth knowing that it happens, and worth checking with the venue how late you can adjust the numbers. It's that agreement, not the guessing, that saves you.
Frequently asked questions
What do I write if someone doesn't respond at all?
Call or send a direct message: "Hi, I'm finalising the count for dinner — are you coming?" It's not rude to ask, it's practical, and most people are just glad for the reminder.
Should I set a reply deadline for a confirmation or an anniversary party too?
Yes. Anything with catering needs a headcount. The deadline can be shorter than for a wedding, but it should be stated on the invitation, or you'll get the answers in the last week.
Can guests reply on behalf of the whole household?
That's practical if they can, but then it needs to be clear who the invitation applies to. If you send one link per person, the count sorts itself out, and you avoid having to interpret "we're coming".
What about guests who want to bring a plus-one?
State in the invitation whether a plus-one is welcome or not. If it's open, the guest should be able to ask and you should be able to approve it — then both sides know where they stand, and your numbers add up.
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